Horses as Therapy for Grief
Some of my friends know how strongly I believe horses are an amazing form of direct therapy. My two oldest horses, Khlown and 'Khelina have served as my therapy for more than 28 years, helping me through loneliness, belonging, and needing to be active. Through marriage and divorce, my daughter in tow, working thorough depression, anger, expressing through my art, finding peace and comfort, providing inspiration, and unconditional love when nothing else could.
I have often thought how interacting with horses has changed my outlook and wellbeing in my life, and how they can surely affect others. Now-a-days the therapy benefits in having relationships with horses are widely researched and validated.
This artitcle Corralling Children's grief recounts the transformative and healing affect of having a special relationship, a Friendship with at least one horse in your life to walk with you over the ups and downs. Wouldn't you agree? Come arrange to meet one of our arabian horses through our Horse Introductions Programs at www.JudiandSteve.com.
I have often thought how interacting with horses has changed my outlook and wellbeing in my life, and how they can surely affect others. Now-a-days the therapy benefits in having relationships with horses are widely researched and validated.
This artitcle Corralling Children's grief recounts the transformative and healing affect of having a special relationship, a Friendship with at least one horse in your life to walk with you over the ups and downs. Wouldn't you agree? Come arrange to meet one of our arabian horses through our Horse Introductions Programs at www.JudiandSteve.com.
Corralling
children's grief
ERIN MCINTYRE, The
Daily Sentinel
Published 2:02 am PST, Saturday,
November 19, 2016
In this Nov. 7, 2016, photo, Lyza Contreras, 7, has a moment with one of
the horses at HopeWest's equine therapy session at a farm north of Grand
Junction, Colo. (Dean Humphrey/The Grand Junction Daily Sentinel via AP)
GRAND JUNCTION, Colo. (AP) — Sometimes,
it takes a different environment than a counselor's ear and a box of tissues to
make progress in processing grief. For the most vulnerable people hurting
from losing a loved one, having a sentient beast to help them negotiate the
path to healing can make all the difference.
Last year, HopeWest's equine therapy
program helped 41 children who experienced a loss. This relatively new type of
therapy that has gained popularity in the past decade involves using horses to
help clients move forward in the stages of grief, reported The Daily Sentinel (http://bit.ly/2fWH1Tn).
The horses at Joe Bremer's farm came to
the gate when the girls arrived at their equine therapy session. They've been
coming here almost every week since September, and named the horses Coffee,
Caramel, Vanilla and S'mores.
Therapy with horses can help give
children a voice, helping them to identify their feelings and move forward past
the barriers that grief has erected in their lives, said Caroline Coles, a
HopeWest volunteer certified in equine therapy who has practiced it for six
years.
The horses don't judge them. They accept
that the children are leading them and that they're in charge. Interacting with
the large beasts can help kids gain a sense of control over their lives,
actions and feelings when something so horrible and out of their control has rocked
their world.
The girls started their session by
checking in with how they were doing, and then Coles asked them to notice the
fly masks the horses were wearing. They talked about how sometimes people wear
masks, too, to hide their emotions. "Sometimes you pretend you're
having fun but you're really, really sad," one of the girls said.
This is a safe place for
them, a place where everyone understands what they're going through. It feels
good to not have secrets here.
"We all have lost a
dad and we all kinda know how it feels," said Mia Contreras, 9.
As the girls were talking about wearing
emotional masks, Vanilla playfully reached across the fence and removed
Coffee's mask. The girls talked about how maybe the horse was trying to tell
them that wearing a mask wasn't a good thing. The powerful thing that happens here is that the horses give
children the ability to talk about their feelings in a non-threatening
environment.
HopeWest uses the Equine Assisted Growth
and Learning Association's program for grief therapy, which does all the work
on the ground, without the clients actually riding the horses.
Instead, clients work directly with the
horses, eye to eye, which helps them observe the horse's behavior and relate to
it. With the children, they can observe how the horses are acting and name
those behaviors and feelings, instead of keeping those feelings inside.
Coles said her role is mostly to keep
everyone safe and not say much, aside from guiding the children in their
observations and helping them to name the emotions that they're seeing in the
horses.
"The beauty of the
horses is that they're the mirror and they project what the kids are
feeling," she said. "It's all projection-based."
Mia is here with her younger sister,
Lyza, because their father died about 1½ years ago. Like other kids who lose
their parents, they've had a lot of changes since his death. The reality is
that children often deal with moving homes, moving schools, having to leave
friends and support systems behind when they've already lost a mom or dad, and
it leaves them with a sense that they've lost all control in their lives.
Another situation counselors deal with
when children are grieving when they've lost family members is a sense from the
surviving child that they somehow are responsible for others' feelings and they
have to act a certain way because it's expected. Sometimes it feels like they need to try to help make others
happy or act like everything is OK, when it's not.
Seven-year-old Lyza said she's learned
by working with horses that she can't control other people's feelings.
"Sometimes if other
people are mad, just let them be mad," she said.
"It's not good for you
to keep your feelings inside," added Mia. The volunteers in the program have seen
kids whisper secrets in the horses' ears and cry in their manes, among other
amazing things.
Volunteer Kathy Hanson said she has
noticed that kids will gravitate toward the horse they identify with
emotionally. The loners will choose a horse that sticks to itself, and the
ornery kids will choose the spirited horses. Sometimes, the horses seem to sense what
a child needs at that moment.
"A kid will say, 'I don't have any friends,' and a horse
will walk up and nudge them," Hanson said.
On another occasion, a quiet girl who
had recently experienced a loss was standing in an arena with sand on the ground
and was silently making a pattern with her shoes in the sand.
She stamped out a lotus
flower in the sand, and then stepped away. A horse that had been standing
behind her walked up to the flower. "It looked at the flower and then
added a stem with its hoof," Hanson said.
Three weeks earlier, the girls buried a
rock that represented grief in the corral; a horse had been carrying around the
rock with other emotions in a saddlebag. "They decided they didn't want to
completely bury it, because it would take all the memories, too," Coles
said.
In this session, Coffee reached through
the corral fence to nibble weeds in the pasture. The girls decided the horse was reaching
for freedom, which was the pasture on the other side of the fence. Coffee got
riled up and tore around the corral, bucking and kicking. "He's the king of anger!" the girls shouted, going
into the pasture and running around.
Though the casual observer might assume
they were just playing, their conversation was deep.
"We're in happiness!" they yelled. And when they came back to the fence,
Coles asked them if it was OK to come back to anger and grief and return to
happiness.
"Yeah!" they
yelled, running around the field of happiness again. One stayed on the fence
between grief and anger and happiness, and decided it was OK to bridge both
worlds sometimes.
This group therapy taking place in the
arena can result in faster breakthroughs than in a traditional counseling
session, said Brittni Turner, the Hope-West counselor who took on the program this
fall. Though it might seem
like the girls are just playing, they're working through some of their issues
as they groom the horses, observe the animals' behavior and interact with each
other.
At the end of the session,
the girls gathered on the hay bales where they started their session to discuss
how they could escape the heaviness of grief, even if they didn't have the
horses with them.
"What gives you freedom from your
grief when you're not here?" Turner asked. "School is freedom," one said.
"Coloring is
freedom," another said.
"Playing
outside," another said.
"We're freedom,"
said Mia, looking at her younger sister. "We have each other."
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